I wanted to write this earlier in the week, but I was just too tired.
Wednesday, HG dropped Dozer off for his MRI. The appointment was 9am. He would be under general anesthesia (to ensure he didn’t move during the procedure) for an hour. The plan was for me go to into work super-early to attend my 6am meetings (screw you, Eastern timezone), and then leave at 3pm to meet HG at the neuro specialist to pick up the dog and hear the results. I told HG to call me when he got into work.
HG called me at 10am, sounding nearly destroyed. This is the first time he’s ever had to drop the dog off for a procedure without me. He said that Dozer initially refused to leave the lobby without him, and then started to whine when HG tried to leave. HG said he got all choked up, leaving his buddy.
I knew then it was going to be a very long day.
We both arrived at the neuro clinic at 3:30, but had to wait an HOUR until the neuro resident could come speak with us. I understand, it’s a busy clinic, and we’re not the only patients. But you couldn’t bring our dog out to us while we sat in the exam room? HG looked just as rough as he’d sounded on the phone. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and he sounded sniffly.
Perhaps it is my constant glass-half-empty viewpoint that prepared me, but when the doctor shared the news, I was more mentally ready than HG to hear it. Dozer has a nerve sheath tumor on his brachial nerve that has invaded the spinal cord. The tumor is growing at a pace that has constricted nerve and cord, which explains the sudden and severe limp. He’s compensating for it well, and the doctor is surprised by how much movement he has, given the size and placement of the tumor.
The good news is that Dozer’s in no pain. Other than the limitations of movement, which clearly frustrate him, he’s not hurting. These types of tumors are usually very fast-moving and progressive, and often outpace pain. The bad news is that there’s no interventions possible at this point. Not surgical, not pharmacological. We can keep upping the prednisone to see if we can slow its growth, but it’ll just slow, not stop. And Dozer’s not handling the pred very well.
Endgame? The tumor will grow. It will continue to compress the spinal cord, and will eventually start to impact both front legs. He will get to the point where he will be unable to stand and walk. That could take months, or it could take weeks. We started noticing the problem in late August. It could have been developing for years, and there’s no way we would have known, without regular and routine MRIs. But long term, Dozer will probably not be around to meet the new baby.
The vet acknowledged it will be a hard decision because Dozer remains a happy and optimistic dog. Ultimately, it will be up to me and to HG to make the choices. After some further discussion, we have decided to stop issuing the prednisone. We’ll finish up the latest course of thyroid meds. And then, we’ll spoil the dog rotten for the time we have left.
I cried at the vet’s office, but tried to keep it in check. I managed to do that until we got home, when HG and I both had a good sob. This is the absolute worst part of having a pet. I’ve been down this road before, but this is the first time for HG. Certainly, family pets, but never “his own” dog. And it hit hard.
I asked the neuro specialist for a referral or contact for a vet who will make house calls when that time is needed. We’re done with stressful road trips for Dozer. I have a brochure sitting on my desk for “Happy Endings Euthanasia,” a name that makes me snicker due to the inappropriate irony.
Until we need to dial that number… we will continue with our day to day. Spoiling the dog rotten. Case in point – HG was working from home Friday. When I got out of the shower, he had left the house. To go to Dunkin Donuts to buy munchkins. Because that dog wanted them for breakfast.
The dog can have all the munchkins he wants, but carbs are still forbidden fruit for me. (Pun probably intended.)
Despite exercising each night, careful monitoring of my food, and taking my meds, my glucose levels were all over the map for the past three days. I’m sure stress couldn’t factor into those numbers *at all* (heavy on the sarcasm). My OB had given me the very unhelpful advice of avoiding stress to keep things in check. Fat chance, doc.
Work is soothing and quiet, and allows me to move in a pleasant routine. Got several emails from employees today, thanking me for taking time to explain benefits offerings, to help clarify the difference between HSA and FSA, to define deductibles and co-pays and out-of-pocket limits. All terms I’m familiar with, but your average high school graduate probably isn’t. One mechanic later told me that, in his 10 years with Newco, this is the first time anyone from HR has explained benefits to the group. That made me kind of sad. I know Newco’s HR philosophy is a little different from most – higher level business function, and you aren’t supposed to spend a lot of day-to-day doing hand-holding – but it still is sad that interacting with and educating employees wasn’t a focus.
I jokingly told him to send my boss an email to that effect. This morning, he did.
Speaking of bosses, Wednesday was Bosses’ Day. I have no direct reports, so no gifts forthcoming. Last year, my team bought me a calendar, balloons, and flowers. It was sweet. This year, I sent an eCard to my boss, with a picture of a chocolate cake. Inside, it said “Virtual Cake – Paleo Diet Approved.” I also wrote a quick note of appreciation. Love my boss…she wrote back, “is this a real holiday? Why am I at work???”
I talked with Dana last night. We haven’t talked in ages, and had been trading voicemails back and forth. Finally caught her in the evening (while out for my 2 mile walk/sanity refresh). Life at The Bank continues to be just as fun as ever. And I’m all the more grateful to be out of there and at NewCo, where the worst part of my day is dealing with DOT drug testing compliance forms, and not dealing with temperamental vice presidents and incentive-defrauding tellers.
Over the lunch hour yesterday, I went to a smaller branch of The Bank to close out my savings account. I only used this particular savings account to buy movie tickets, use at the cafeteria lunch register, etc. I had forgotten all about it, until I got a statement in the mail with a $5 inactivity fee on it. Oh, thanks for the reminder! Went over to close the account. I’d also dragged my feet a bit, wondering if I’d run into any tellers or bankers who might recognize me. Fortunately, I was assisted by a very new teller, and the account was drained/closed.
I did get several of the new $100 bills. They look like play money, with a pretty hologram ribbon/strip on the front. I will either use my cash windfall to buy new boots, or save to purchase HG’s birthday gift. He has had an iPad for the past 4 years, and because it’s one of the originals and not an iPad 2, he can’t continue to upgrade, etc. He’d never buy himself one, but I’m leaning toward getting him the slickest edition. The old version can then become “the baby’s ipad.”
Today, HG is going golfing. I will either spend the remainder of the morning lounging on the patio and reading horrible chick lit, OR go do a little retail therapy at the mall. I’ve started my Christmas lists, but haven’t made any purchases. Perhaps this will inspire me. This evening, we’re going out to dinner with the ‘rents. Sunday is reserved for lunch with Shelli, and an afternoon of washing the walls in the nursery, to prep for painting.
Next weekend, HG and I are overnighting at a local resort, courtesy of his company (golf retreat for their management – I’m going to get a massage and facial at the spa while he hobnobs). Dad will be staying at our house that night to keep an eye on the dog. The following weekend, we’ll be slapping paint on the nursery walls. Must hasten to complete it before HG’s parents come in for a visit.
IF they come. Bob has been having some issues related to his eye again. Depending on what’s going on, he may not be able to fly. If that happens, their trip is postponed. However, I’ll still take two days off of work, just to have the mental health days. Also to get my semiannual dental cleaning fit in (had to reschedule due to our prenatal classes starting 10/28).
Today’s reason for living: We haven’t had to turn on the air conditioning in 2 weeks. Temps are in the 80s for highs, and 60s for lows. This kind of weather almost makes up for our unbearably brutal summers. Almost.
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